I was talking to one of my Crossdressing friends the other day. We were talking about clothes, dressing, relationships and such. At some point she says,
*”You are very out there, why can't I be someone like that, loyal and honest and don't care [about what others think about you]?’
My Response: It takes a bit of...well...getting over yourself. I got over myself. Embarrassing things are gonna happen, people are gonna not like some things you do. People are gonna try to put you down, question is...how do you feel about you? Do you like what you do? Do you like who you are?
People come and go, you will be with you all of your life. You should take care of the inner you. The inner you wants to be happy. The inner you likes to dress a certain way and act a certain way. The inner you may want to look different every day. The inner you may wanna dress the same way for a week then totally change up. If you're with someone who can't deal with you being you...well...I don't see how making your inner self sad to make someone else happy will keep you happy for too long.
That was spewed out in the middle of the night when my friend was sleep. Later she responded:
“Wow Pebbles, You just broke it down, But you are right. I see what you are saying, WE are some [of the] good men out there. Just because we want to dress like a woman doesn't mean we want to be with one or be gay or bi or anything like that.”
Me: Nearly all if not all of the CD dudes I chat with are really nice people & really 'good' guys. If a GG wants to be treated 'right' I highly recommend a CD. If the GG can get over themselves maybe they can find happiness in the arms of someone who just Might look better than them occasionally, lol. A lot of people don't get over themselves till they are way old. You don't see (some)old ladies not doing stuff or saying stuff just cause it might be embarrassing... life is too short to dwell on dumb stuff!
Later, We were discussing relationships again and the GG my CD friend is dating.
Me: I wanna say something which may come off pretty... 'guy-ish' and I'm not talkin’ nice guy... Here it goes. If you think she is your One, you should find a way to tell her you like to dress. If she's not...well...are you ready to drop her in a minute if you do find your 'one' who is fine with who you are?
I totally understand companionship. I didn't like being alone [when I was single].
Their response: ‘Well she’s somewhat one, but what is the one?... I'm 35 years old I don't know what to believe in that aspect. I would think the one would have come by now.
Me: So many of my CD/TG friends are with people who don't like a very real part of them...the emotional turmoil they go through because of it is really heartbreaking!
I had a friend show his girlfriend a picture of him en femme to come out to her. She thought he was really cute. They continued to date for a while, eventually they broke up, but not because of his dressing.
I wish I could talk to all the 'girlfriends that don't know' and ease them into the thought of it. CD guys (in my opinion) are just sooooo much easier to deal with than 'regular' guys. You Know what their major quirk is, that secret is gone! If you can deal with that, everything else will be a breeze to get through! And if you tell her & it doesn't work [or she thinks she can’t deal with it], well, you didn't invest TOO much time in a relationship that wouldn't work out in the end anyway
Why is a CD guys so much easier?
Me: More in touch with their feminine side...for example. [Some] Ladies sometimes (or all the times) wanna get their hair/nails etc done, right?
Yes they do.
Me: My ex hubby didn't understand that and to him it was kinda wasted money...his mom had to talk to him about that.
Oh yes we wouldn't mind getting ours done too.
Me: Exactly! No fight no fuss. That's something you can do together! Spa day, hello!
Later we went on to talk about how women may not like to participate in their significant other’s crossdressing. It’s like any other…we’ll say ‘hobby’ for this example. If I dislike something that someone likes to do, that doesn't mean I won't support the person who wants to do it. I may or may not join in on what they like to do. I may or may not be there every time they’re doing whatever it is they’re doing but I’m supportive. If someone I’m with likes table top gaming but I’m not into it. I wouldn’t put them down for it. I might try to play to see if maybe I could get to like it but if I just don’t like to do it myself…it’s just something I don’t like to do. They can continue with it. I might even make snacks to serve to the gamers or hang out and watch/listen to what’s going on.
I hope other people can be like that. If your significant other likes to dress in a way contrary to their gender type, would you be able to support them even if you’re not in to it? Can you help them with their hair and make-up so they can hang with their friends who also like to dress? Will you go to an event with them even though it’s not an event you want to go to all the time just to support them? It’s my hope that sometime soon this will no longer be considered a taboo…maybe even be considered a some-what normal occurrence.
That’s all I have to say for now. I hope you all have a GREAT DAY!!!
I will again be making an appearance at The Original GLBT Expo in NYC this weekend! I will be interviewed in the Video Lounge on Sunday. I’ll Have pictures and my experience from there to share with you soon!
*Bold Print (for the most part) is my CD friend’s words.
CD= Crossdresser, GG= Genetic Girl=Cis-Gendered Female=Female who was born female and identifies as female.