Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Support Matters - Guest Post by Chardonnay Merlot

It was a Saturday night out on the dance floor. Me with a big smile on my face. You can never get too much of the feeling of a fun night out, surrounded by friends, all while working the perfect outfit.

The added bonus? For me, it was at the place where my journey truly began.

On that night two years before,-- IChardonnay Merlot, stepped out into the world for the first time.

I was alone, nervous, scared. I wasn't sure I was gonna go through with it.

My Heartbeat keeping time with the click-clack of heels on a parking lot.

Earlier that day, I was in a dressing room at a small shop maybe an hour away.

Looking in a mirror at me.

It was overload seeing myself in a way I'd always wanted to but never felt safe in doing.

And then I was told, "You really should consider going out tonight. There's nothing gained by hiding who you are."

I ended up going to a club that night. Nervous to the point of nausea.

"Don't be nervous honey, be out and be proud."

I met others like me that night.

A couple of weeks later, I was late to my first meeting with my support group and the group leader gave me the 'Don Rickles' treatment for being quite late, and then embraced me... as did the whole community.

The common denominator: Someone reached out.

I'm grateful for so many who have, mainly in a lot of small ways, from besties who call and Facebook me just to ask "how ya doin?" to those who have shared their experience and wisdom with me from the beginning.

Those first steps were tentative and nervous. Looking back I wonder how ever got the heart to take them.

It was because somebody took one second to tell me, "Live it. Learn it. Own it."

Because somebody took one second to show me how to use a foundation brush more efficiently.

Because someone spent an evening sharing their journey, their story, and was patient with me.

Because a group of people invited me in with open arms.

Because a group of people saw a shy scared person trying to find answers and they took me in.

Thanks to that, I've found a new peace, a new strength and have expanded my circle because of it. The journey feels a little less arduous and a lot less lonely, because from the beginning so many, in big ways and small, sent the most important message: "You are not alone."

 Support Matters

-Chardonnay Merlot

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Links & filler

I have had an uninspired week. Nothing really to talk about from my life with CDs but I DID read an article that was AWESOME couple. A transvestite & his Wife. A sweet beautiful loving couple in california. They had a write-up in LA Weekly! Below is a link to the article.

I'm pretty sure I read this on another blog about crossdressing. Here are a few links to other pages i frequent (some are crossdresser themed, some are art themed). I'm sure none of the CD blog owners even know this page exists...i'll reach out...eventually...maybe...

I have at least one interview on the back burner that hopefully I will get to this week. Also a friend & reader of this blog has written an article which will be posted soon as well.

Love Always,

Pirate Pebbs

P.S. I'll be at the GLBT Expo in NYC Next month in the Video Lounge with Appolonia Cruz! Check me out there if you'll be there as well :)

Monday, February 17, 2014

Happy Valentines Day 2014

Happy (belated) Valentines Day!

I had a really special Valentines Day. Its been about a year since I've been dating my sweetie exclusively. I told him I wanted him to write me a 'love letter'...just cause I wanted one... Then, he told me he wanted one in return... total backfire on me cause it hadn't crossed my mind that he'd want one back. Not that he didn't deserve one back, just cause when I mentioned it it was something that had come to mind seconds before I said it. Anyway, I'd been thinking of what to put for days & telling my bestfriend what I planned to put in the letter. Come letter writin' time...I just had randomness. Then I had to do a bit of driving, took the best friend with me to finalize the letter on my cellphone. We got everything hashed out beautifully! ...Then...while I was cookin' Bacon Roses for my sweetie, my greasy hands was making the phone glitchy. I attempted to save the letter... long story short, it got erased. *sigh* I did tell him in advance of his arrival what happened & he was fine with it. I did wind up telling him what i'd written way less eloquently than it had been written. Any who, he did write me a letter and it is pictured below. I share this with you as a beacon of hope. Have a read. I have more to say below the letter.

This letter was written by my sweetie, a 33 year old crossdresser. A person like many of you who has gone through countless years of loneliness. Not just because he didn't have a girlfriend. When he did have girlfriends they didn't know about his crossdressing. They didn't know all of him. I hope in reading this, whether you are a crossdresser who is currently alone or a GG just learning that straight guys can crossdress and still be just as much of a man as a guy who doesn't, you can see how life changing one person can be to another. No matter who you are, what gender you do or don't assign yourself, that there is someone out there for you. Sometime the wait can feel like forever. Sometimes you have to wait longer than you think is reasonable. You can meet the person your heart yearns for. They may have to be chased. They may not know or even think they are the one for you. You may have to spend a year convincing them to give you a chance. When they finally do, show them how much they mean to you and how special you think they are and continue to do so in case they forget. Some people need to feel needed in order to feel happy in their relationships, remind them why you need them.

...Ok, I feel like i'm rambling. I should probably stop & get some sleep. **(I will edit this and fix all the capitalization issues etc once i've gotten enough sleep)  

I wish you all Love!

If no one else, 

Pirate Pebbs Loves You!

**All edited and fixed :)

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Messages from Readers #1

Since I started posting about my blog in various profiles that i've used for dating over the years, I gotten a few letters from readers…ok…more like comments from readers and I want to share some of them with you. I’m just gonna abbreviate their names or their screen names so as not to expose them w/o permission (if your screen name happens to be one of the abbreviations, it is simply unintentional). I will be posting more in upcoming posts. If you see your comment here and would like me to put your screen name or real name just email me at
These were left as messages in my OKCupid profile.

Pirate Pebbs
4/18/2012- Hey, just a friendly message! As a straight guy who dresses up, I can appreciate your blog! Thanks honey!

5/17/2012- Hello, I read you blog and it's awesome! Immediate add to my reader. It's good to know there are well adjusted women out there who can appreciate people with my certain disposition. It makes me want to branch out and make a real attempt to find someone, but you are right. Nine times out of ten it doesn't go well and now I have resorted to telling new interests up front before the first date but usually it turns out there is no first date! lol. Anyway this is turning into a ramble. Thank you again. 

7/6/2012- are in inspiration! :) 
I am a straight man, and have been crossdressing for quite some time. Actually, I have not worn male underwear for about 5 years. Even at work, underneath my slacks, you will always find a pretty pair of panties. :) 
I just thought about saying hello, and to thank you for being so open minded. I wish more people were like you. 
Now excuse me while I go do my laundry, full of panties, stockings, and bras. :)

2/7/2013- I am a male crossdresser. Thank you for your kind words, and your blog. ITs very big of you to put a voice out there, and realize, most men are straight that do it. Thanks!
9/165/2013- You sound like an amazing person!! It's gets exacerbating with women who automatically assume I'm gay or want a sex reassignment simply because I enjoy wearing makeup, dress and pantyhose! 
So good to know women like you exist!

10/29/2013- Just wanted to say I really dig the blog.


Monday, February 3, 2014

The post that should have been...and will be

Ok, so my plan was to do a post of letters from the readers. I have gotten quite a lot of praise from people who read this blog and support what I'm trying to do. Within the next few days I will get that up and posted but I have been so busy with work, family life & being at a planning meeting for biggest (and best my opinion) anime convention on the East Coast. Also hosting Karaoke...Yeah, i've been kinda busy. So I am posting this now and hopefully I can get my post done soon.

More to come soon,


Pirate Pebbs