Take it away Sami.
Before I go back to the beginning and recant any recollection of when this all stared for me I will start with who I am at this exact moment.
My name is Samantha "Sami" Prescott and I am a soon to be 50 year old happily married heterosexual crossdresser. I revealed the innermost me to my wife very early on in our relationship. We were becoming very involved quickly and I knew I could not wait another second. I was born into something that I didn't have a choice or say in and my own life experience that who I am was never going to change or just go away, I knew that she needed to have a choice to stay or walk away. I needed to be free of the secrecy and shame that my life has been accustomed, and I owed it to both of us to be honest and upfront to insure that would be a foundation on which our relationship would be built. As a result, one of the hardest decisions I ever carried out in my life, and one of the biggest risks I decided to take, I am very blessed and fortunate to have a supportive and accepting wife who has encouraged me to not be ashamed of who I am. Without understanding she stayed and she has been the one and only reason that I have found acceptance and peace within myself. Without her support I might not have ventured out from the safety and confines of my home.
I have been getting out and about for a little over 2 years now and have been working on my head to toe transformation and presentation for about 9 years, but 'I' have been a lifetime in the making. I am non-transitioning and very part time. I am closeted to everyone except my wife and I am not looking to make any drastic changes in my life nor seeking to come out and be full time. I do have a desire to get out a bit more often and know that I want to be able to be active in the community, provide help and support for other like myself, and also make a positive impact on those I interact with along the way. Going a bit further in my self realization I also consider myself to be transgendered. I know there is more to all of this than the clothes, I have no conflict with my gender, my identity, or my sexual preference. I do realize there is a duality that exists in me, a feminine aura, and a certain comfort and wholeness that comes with my drive and desire to nurture and outwardly express this part of me that I have hidden and denied for the largest part of my life.
Going all the way back I could make this very short and say the day I was born I fell right into a pair of panties and took off running. That could very well be but my earliest recollection was when I was probably around 4 or 5 years old. I was in one of my mother's satin nightgowns. It extended way past my feet so there was no chance of running to hide when she was half way up the stairs and quickly approaching. As she is calling I lifted the lid of the hamper and tumbled in to hide. The lid opened right after but the hiding lasted for the majority of years afterward. It was my attraction to silky and satiny clothing and everything that was hidden under what a woman wore underneath the top layer that everyone would see excited me. The feeling against my skin was then and is still now incredible. I don't know why back then at such a young age I was so conflicted that something that felt so good to me was something that made me feel as if I was doing something so wrong. It was also those thoughts way back then that had me keeping all those things to myself.
Within the next 2 or 3 years I was already into my mother's stockings, bras, panties, girdle's, pretty much everything and anything I could get my hands on. I was already hands on in self exploration before most boys or girls even had a clue as to what the real difference was between the sexes were. I can remember watching "Bewitched" through much different eyes than most children did, unless of course they were like me!
Elizabeth Montgomery, who played Samantha and who is the inspiration in my name, was just a witch who was a mom and a homemaker on the television show. She was so much more than that to me. She was the essence of woman-ity and femininity, she was everything that I adored about a woman and the thought of what she was wearing under her dress had me thinking way past my mother's lingerie drawers.
Then there was Jeannie, Ginger, and Mary Anne, the sitcom starlets who I wanted to emulate and larger than life when it came to how I was inspired by them. They were a vision of desire that I saw back then and very instrumental on how I present today.
Somewhere in that time frame my mother asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween, before that point I was never asked, she just slapped a costume on me and off I went. Well, given a choice the obvious answer was "A Girl" so she borrowed a bunch of things from one of her girlfriends daughter's. Little did I know that I would be in my glory and I certainly did not show it, there I was wearing a cute blue dress with a strawberry pattern on it, a pair of white tights, and a pair black patent Buster Brown Mary Jane flats. I was all anxious to run out the door to go Trick or Treating and my mother stopped me and said, "You're not ready yet". She pulled a wig down on my head and smeared some rouge blush on my cheeks and said, "Now the girl is ready". I can remember one of the ladies that answered the door saying, "Aren't you just the prettiest little girl". Halloween wasn't the only time I slipped back into that dress. I can say that memory still brings a smile to my face today because I was somewhat embarrassed by it at that time.
Two of the biggest disappointments after that was the day my mother returned the clothes to her girlfriend and years later when the day came that my feet would no longer fit into my mother's heels. So it wasn't long after that I had to muster up the courage to go and buy my first pair of heels. I also bought a bra, panties, and a matching garter-belt set and stockings which all became part of my first and only purge when I was married for the 1st time at 23 years old.
I thought that was going to be the end to my secret to never surface again. Not so, it was not long before I was back to dabbling and I decided to come clean shortly before the birth of my 1st child. It did not go over well and was something that was not accepted or supported. Over more than 10 years and the birth of several more children I lived my life secretly, hiding my dressing. I was made to feel as if I were a freak and deviant by my former wife. My dressing was always something that was a sore point and always used by her as a weapon to make me feel ashamed of myself or to belittle me.
Once that marriage ended and time passed I knew that I could never live that way again and also knew that if another relationship was to develop that I could not keep this part of me a secret. I have always lived my life and existed somewhere between blessed and cursed.
Back to where this story all started. Considering that I and my current wife never asked for any of these things to be a part of our lives, the only thing that I could ever hope for has become a reality for me. I have a wife who loves me for who I am as a person and someone I don't have to feel ashamed to be myself around. Cursed is no longer a part of the equation and as of now I am the closest to blessed that I could have ever hoped for, and a realization that although nothing in life will ever be perfect. I can accept and live with the fact that I am and will always be perfectly flawed.